Damn that Cesar Millan!

Grrrr, I caught mommy on Ceasar Millan's web site yesterday!  She usually watches the Dog Whisperer but for some reason, which now I know why of course, she was on his web site.  I guess I pulled too hard on Sunday when we went to the park.  She took me for a walk and I noticed she used some new tricks on me.  OK, sure I was pulling again and acting like I was the leader of the pact.  But she was not having any of that.  She used some tricks that worked, she pulled my leash up high on my neck and kept the leash short.  We stopped when I tried to pull ahead and did not move again till the leash has some slack in it.  She kept reinforcing the word "sit" over and over again when I became distracted by other people ( and their crotches) and other dogs ( and their crotches too) and we did not walk again until I complied.

She also did not let me sniff the ground or mark till I walked correctly and as a reward she obliged at the end of the walk with some ground sniffing.  She also gave me some nice head rubs, ear rubs and lots of praises at the end of each good act.  And then to top it all off, at the end of the walk, when we were getting ready to go into the house she did something different.  She did not allow me to enter first.  She entered first.  HMMMFFF!!! I always entered first, but not anymore.  I guess I should not have pulled so hard on Sunday, I mean her hands were pretty raw and red from my constant pulling to get into the water.

I guess I  need to learn how to disconnect the power source to the computer when she is on so she does not get anymore tips from Cesar.  I would like to see him come here and try to train me, I bet I could give him his money's worth.  Thing's were so good between mom and I before she found this dog whisperer.  Well, I at least get my revenge in the bed as I made sure I was a complete bed hog last night.  I started out near the edge of the bed, then I migrated towards the center and then I ended up slab dab in the middle!  I did not kick her or jerk around like I sometimes do when I want to get back at her, but tonight I just made myself comfortable in the middle of the bed, all legs extended out and as comfortable and snug as a bug.

I so enjoyed having some control even if it was at the grace of my mom's good heart. She loves me so much she just could not bring herself to kick me out of the bed, luckily we have a king size bed, she would just get up and find another spot to sleep in.  I so have her trained!!!  I guess you can call me the "Human Whisperer"

Mommy was sick today

I worry about mommy sometimes, she does not take good care of herself.  Today she was sick all day and just slept most of the day.  I stayed with her, cuddled next to her in bed.  Kept her warm as she suffered through her fever and chills.  When she got up to get something to drink I went with her.  I was so well behaved today.  I did not bother her, or beg her to walk me.  she did however throw some treats to the top of the stairs and have me run after them.  She created this game and I love it.  I also get a great workout, she only does it to give me cardio and the vet said it was a great way to strengthen my muscles.

The vet also said for a ten year old lab I am very fit.  Mommy wants to keep me around as long as possible, I heard her tell the vet this, the vet encouraged her to continue to the game and keep me fit and active.  Mommy wanted to walk me, I could see it in her eyes.  She has this sad look sometimes that I can read, today I did not take advantage of it.  I understood she was sick and I did not hound her.  Heeee, hound, I love the pun but anyway mommy is doing better tonight.  She had some dinner and fed me, she never forgets to feed me or to take care of me no matter how sick she is.  We had a pretty boring day but I enjoyed having her with me all day today, that was my treat.  I even behaved in bed while she slept, no kicking or jerking.

She will more than likely go to bed early tonight, I do not mind.  I at least got to play some and she will cuddle with me again, she is so warm.  I hope I am as warm for her as she is for me.  I am pretty sure of it, I have fur, she does not.  I am just hoping she takes me somewhere again on Sunday, I love these outings, maybe I can go for another swim or hike.  That would be nice.

I will have to let her think it is her idea and not mine, I am sure I can con her into something.

I have this way too.  I was blessed with sad puppy dog eyes.  I can look very miserable if I want to and I pull that old trick all the time.  

Alas I did not pull that trick today, instead I was well behaved and took care of my master.  After all that is the least I can do as she takes good care of me.

Oh the aroma.....

OK, so I admit it, the one bad habit I have is sniffing crotches.  Can't help it, just now mommy had a knock at the door and I ran her over to get to the door first.  I wanted to be a gentleman and open it for her, she does not understand this as she feels I am trying to be the Alpha dog ( which I am by the way) and she pulls me back.  Anyway, some guy was there who was asking a question and I broke free and did my thing, lunged towards his crotch and got a big whiff!  Mommy was horrified and the man jumped.  Mommy yelled and pulled me back but I was already buried nose deep in scent, finally I allowed her to pull me back, she was not happy.

I think the man kind of liked it as he laughed a lot, mommy was not laughing, and I was confined to the bathroom for the duration of the sell speech.  No sell was made as I am sure mommy was too embarrassed to think.  When she closed the door she let me out of the bathroom, I was of course very happy to be with her again and wagged my tail and gave her my happy smile.  She just shook her head and giggled.  I think she thought it was funny.

When I was a puppy, she was the one who took me to the puppy training classes and by the way I graduated as top dog in my class. Mommy really spent a lot of time training me and it showed.  Anyway, one day I was smelling the instructor's crotch and the woman smacked my snout and told mommy that she needed to stop this behavior right away. Mommy found this strange as the instructor also specified to the group that hitting your dog was not a good training option, but this woman hit my snout!  Mommy could never bring herself to hit me so I was never stopped from sniffing crotches but she does try to hold me back.

One time she had the minister and his family over for dinner and they had their two year old daughter with them who was still in diapers, the little girl ran up onto the couch and was sitting with legs apart and I could smell that diaper.  I had my snout right up in there and mommy was horrified but the minister and his wife and daughter by the way just laughed.  Mommy really did not think that was funny, but diapers really have a lot to offer to the nose in terms of scent.

I do not know why I do this, I am a dog and I guess I just like it.  Plus I am friendly, maybe a little too friendly and forward in my getting to know someone but dogs will be dogs.

Irritated

Grrrrrrrrroooowwwwllllll!!!  I had such a stressful day today and am so irritated!  Mommy left to do errands, did not take me with her, sure I know she needs time to herself and there are just certain places I can not go but I missed her today.  I was so happy when she came home, wagged my tail like crazy and ran to the door to be let out, then fed.  She seemed kind of distracted for some reason, while she was sitting on the couch I went over and put my head on her knee and looked up at her until she rubbed my ears.  Seeing her smile reassured me she was OK.

She has had a bad year and a half, daddy left her after she discovered he was cheating.  Well, she basically kicked his lying cheating ass to the curb.  I thought he really loved us.  He only came by to take me for a weekend once, that was it.  When he would come over to pick up some things he did not play with me, he did not pet my head, he ignored me.  Mommy tried to reassure me he was just dealing with things in his own way but it still hurt.  I overheard him say to mommy, "I will let you have him for now as you do not have anyone here" and when he left mommy said, "fuck that shit asshole he is mine, I trained him, I walked him, I took care of him and I am keeping him"  and she did.  Mommy always encouraged daddy to visit, to take me for a week or weekend, she never stopped him but he had no desire so I think she knew he was not interested in really having me.  He just did not care, probably did not want the responsibility of having to take care of me while all he really wanted to do was bang the skank.

I used to be able to hear his car when he pulled into the driveway and would bark signaling his arrival, it only took me two weeks to stop looking for him.  He was emotionally distant before he left anyway, guess it had to do with him cheating and being emotionally involved with the skanky weirdo he was with.  Mommy deserves so much better than daddy and one day when she is ready she will date but right now, she is not even traveling that road.  So I have her all to myself.  Mommy is doing so much better, she has this saying, "All Susan did for me was take my trash out."   Heeeeee, heeeee, I get it, daddy was her trash and Susan the skanky twot did her a favor by taking out her trash (daddy).  

Mommy stopped crying a long time ago.  She and daddy were going to adopt when daddy was caught cheating and he also cheated again once while trying to naturally have a baby, but mommy says I am her baby boy.  And she says this a lot, "Outlaw is the best thing that came out of my marriage."  I think I am irritated today because mommy seems sad, but I know it is not about daddy as she stopped breaking things that belonged to him or reminded her of him.  I think I am the one who is still angry with daddy, I look out the window when mommy is gone and watch daddy's walking their dogs up and down the street and my daddy left me.

They have divorce care groups for humans but why not animals??  I mean it would be nice to find an outlet for my anger and pain towards this divorce.  I used to have two parents, now just one and the other does not even want to see me!! I have feelings, I feel the pain of his departure, I heard that the skank has a dog, I guess this dog has replaced me, not only was mommy replaced but I was too.  Daddy never even helped mommy with my vet bills when they were separated, mommy took care of me from day one to now.  I do not let mommy know how I feel but I get sad sometimes as I wonder why it was so easy for daddy to forget about me.  I think he was selfish, and immature and lost.  It is easier to walk away than to stay and work through things.  So, the dog that gets my daddy now will one day be forgotten and left behind too, that is the nature of the beast.

Don't mess with me

What a restless night I had, exhausted by the adventure I had yesterday I fell asleep rather quickly after dinner.  Mommy has a king size bed, just enough for the two of us.  She kept waking me up last night to yell at me.  Here I am sleeping, dreaming of swimming and chasing cats and running free and she would wake me up yelling, "Outlaw stop kicking me!"  "Move or get down!" 

I do not know, maybe I was kicking her maybe not, I mean, I try to stay on my side of the king size bed but mommy is so warm and cuddly that I like being near her.  I overheard her talking to a friend once and she said my legs, all four of them were kicking her in her back and kept her from having a good nights sleep.  Hmmm, could be some truth in it but all I know is I was having such a pleasurable dream and I was abruptly pulled back into a harsh reality.  She does not stay mad at me for long, usually she falls right back to sleep and oh hell, it is OK, I can be honest now mommy just walked out of the office and is not reading over my shoulder, I did kick her!  I kicked her a few times all the while pretending I was sleeping because I am still mad at her for not letting me swim yesterday!  

That is my number one favorite activity and she would not allow me the pleasure but instead took me to the park with water all around us to do what, let me enjoy our walk??  No, but to tease me, to remind me she is the master and calls all the shots, so why not get a little revenge last night and remind her I am the master as I can control her too, I can ensure she has a restless night in bed or a peaceful nights rest.  Humans, oh crap, here she comes again. 

Crazy Daisy

Oh what a treat I had today!!! Mommy took me out for an adventure and that makes two Sundays in a row!! Last Sunday she took me with her to her favorite spot, Tarara Winery, she enjoys the scenic walks and enjoys taking pictures.  I enjoy the fact there is a large body of water there to swim in, only mom has never let me swim there before.  There is a sign that says "Beware Large Snapping Turtle" so mom never lets me swim.

On this day in particular she let go of my leash as she was preoccupied with the images she was trying to capture with her camera.  I saw my chance and made a run for it.  Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of me and I know this because she began yelling, "Outlaw, Outlaw, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  Haaa, too late, I made it to the water's edge and there was no stopping me, I jumped in and enjoyed a nice polar swim. The water was cold, I mean hell it is Feb and there was ice on the lake too.  Did not stop me though, I love to swim and swim I did.  I even found a few sticks to play with in the water and then I rubbed myself in the mud, over and over again, making myself very dirty.

I love to roll in the mud, mommy just laughed and took pictures of me.  I am a yellow lab and after the mud roll I looked pretty much like a chocolate lab.  She had to take me to a store called the Pet Loft to wash me, but I had fun.  Today however, I was so happy when she invited me to come along with her again, she grabbed my leash and put me in the truck and off we went.

Only thing though, she did not warn me that she was going to stop by her friend's house and invite her friend and her crazy dog to come along with us.  Her friend's dog is a small, nervous, or should I say anxiety ridden dog who they have aptly named, "Crazy Daisy" haaa that bitch is crazy.  We all went to the dog park and Crazy Daisy went nuts after the other dogs at that park, but she got along well with me, makes no sense.  Anyway, there was some water at the park, oh so much water and I wanted to swim so bad.  I tried to pull my mom over to the water's edge but she would not budge, sure I weight close to 80 pounds but she was determined not to let me swim again.  At one point I felt a moment of relaxation in her grip and lunged toward the water and almost pulled her with me but her determination outweighed my desire and attempt.  I failed, she won.  No swimming today.

But, I did enjoy the walk, but back to Crazy Daisy.  That bitch was insane, here we were trying to walk and enjoy the day and Crazy Daisy wanted to attack all the dogs that came within 50 yards of her.  I am 10 years old, I am too old to put up with that growling and jumping around and crazy behavior.  I was so embarrassed too, I enjoy people coming up to me, petting my head and rubbing my ears and Crazy Daisy was keeping me from enjoying myself.  She probably only weighs about 14 pounds and at one point I felt like drop kicking her to shut her up.  Mommy would not allow me the pleasure to do that and heck, I was still trying to get into the water, so I behaved around the crazy behavior.  Crazy Daisy at one point jumped up and lunged towards this little poodle and almost took a bite before her mommy yanked on the leash and caused her to do a spin in the air.  I thought that was funny, I thought, "Haaa, you crazy bitch serves you right"  although she gets along well with me, I do not understand why she can not get along with other dogs.  I only just met her today and had no problem but she completely zapped out at the park.

I do not think we are going to do that again.  But it was a fun day, I am so happy mommy took me with her today.  I have the best mommy, she really loves me.  I would not trade her in for anything, plus to have to re-train another human at this point would be exhausting.  I let her think she is Alpha dog but hey, what she does not know wont hurt her.